I usually use a template when I write blog posts, but not today.

My writing tends to lean heavily on routine (as do most parts of my life, honestly) but this time I’m stepping away from that just to say, candidly: sometimes rhythms get tired and sometimes months are hard, and you can’t do the things.

Blogging has surprised me with how important it has felt in the past few months. It’s easier, in a lot of ways, then Instagraming is. I haven’t figured out why completely—probably partly because it’s more long form, partly because it doesn’t feel as much like you have to yell to be heard but instead can just speak in a normal tone to whoever wants to listen. (Which is how IG should be too, but sometimes it’s hard to remember to operate that way.)

But this isn’t a blog post about the differences between blogs and Instagram. Rather, I’m just here to give you a few things that are helping me breathe this month, one of my harder ones.

(If you’re wondering—October is just always hard because of some death anniversaries. And then this October has held some other things too that aren’t ready to be talked about in an open space).

Things:

Marriage. I hope everyone can have a person that for them, is safe when not much else is. Marshall is that and more for me. We laugh a lot. He gives really good hugs. He drove to the neighborhood Walmart at 9:30 pm on Monday night because I really wanted some Hi-chews. Best friend goals.

Phone calls/vox conversations with friends. Yesterday I had some drive time to transport food to various places. One of my oldest friends had perfect timing and called me just as I was leaving home. We hadn’t talked since August, but we picked right up and talked for almost an hour and a half, and she didn’t mind when I had to interrupt for five-minute breaks to drop off food at the designated spots. I came home really encouraged to find that Marshall was also talking to one of his solid-est of friends. It was so encouraging to listen to them bounce things off each other; things they’ve been thinking about, hard things, good things. People are such a gift.

Fall colors. Because of some October memories, the sight of leaves turning and dropping makes my chest hurt, sometimes. But the oranges, yellows, scarlets—they’re such a hopeful contrast against the cloudy skies, and so brilliant against the blue ones. I love the variety of autumn. I love that Jesus consistently hands out beauty even in hard months.

If your rhythm just hasn’t been cutting it lately, or if you are tired and having a weirdly hard month—I hope you can think of some things helping you breathe. I hope you take the time to notice them. I hope it helps you see that even in hard months, faithfulness and beauty are Truest.